10 Years Ago

10 years ago.  

10 years ago I said hello to my first baby.
10 years ago I said goodbye to my son Aidan.

10 years ago I waited and waited to hear that first cry.
10 years ago I heard that cry after we told the Dr. to stop CPR.

10 years ago I watched my son breathe and heard his coos.
10 years ago I saw his breaths stop while he was in my arms.

10 years ago I counted six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot.
10 years ago I cut off a curl of his reddish hair to tuck away.

10 years ago my body had just given birth to a baby.
10 years ago I left the hospital empty handed.

10 years ago we planned our son’s funeral – tiny casket, songs, custom headstone.
10 years ago I sent my mother and mother-in-law to pick out a baby outfit for burial.

10 years ago my dad hugged me tight and no words were needed.
10 years ago my father-in-law told me “well done” at the grave site.

10 years ago we were given comfort from others.
10 years ago we gave comfort to others.

10 years ago I felt fear, relief, peace, joy, sadness, loss, love, laughter, tears.
10 years ago I fell more in love with my husband as we made the ultimate decisions for our son.

10 years ago.

It seems like yesterday.

It seems like forever ago.

10 years ago.

If you want to read more about Aidan, his diagnosis, and his story, please check out this previous blog post.

Three hours to write

How do I balance it all?  Sometimes I ask that of myself.  Today I realized one of the systems I have in place.

Not only am I a wife, a (wanna be) athlete, and a freelance writer and editor. I am also a homeschooling mama.  We homeschool for many reasons, which I won’t go into today.

But today I realized how I can make it all work (successfully).  We use an online/virtual charter school as our method of homeschooling.  Basically what this means is that my son has a “real” teacher he has to interact with throughout the week.  His curriculum is already scheduled without my extra work.  His materials are sent every August in boxes.  All I have to do is review, prep and teach. And the best part:  he has online required classes, which it is really cool to watch him work his way around the computer in his classes – the skills he learns!

Today I need to work on a story due later this week.  I need to make phone calls. I need to learn about people. I need to prepare to be able to write tonight after my house is silent.

And the reason I love the way we homeschool. Today my son interacts with his teacher and his scheduled online classes. Tomorrow he interacts with his teacher and his scheduled online classes.

Three hours today. Three hours tomorrow. Three hours for me to focus on what I need to do to be a better me while making him a better him.


I’m  attempting to post every Tuesday as part of the weekly Slice of Life over at Two Writing Teachers.